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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23500957">If</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanctuary_for_all/pseuds/sanctuary_for_all'>sanctuary_for_all</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Partners [73]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hawaii Five-0 (2010)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Featuring Steve McGarrett actually in character, Feels, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Unlike the end of the series finale</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 10:47:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>987</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23500957</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanctuary_for_all/pseuds/sanctuary_for_all</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>All the best things in Steve's life only happened because of one of the worst things. It makes him feel guilty sometimes.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Partners [73]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/105629</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>300</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>If</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I refuse to acknowledge current canon enough to even think about trying to fix the last part of the series finale, but the horrible thing still left me with enough demons I had to exorcise them somehow. I have a few more ideas for "Partners" fic still in me after this, but I suppose we'll see what happens.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>By this point, Memorial Day had as firm a routine all of the other holidays Steve celebrated with his family.</p><p>First came a big breakfast, either at home or their restaurant of choice, then it was off to Brandon's mother's grave. Brandon would lay down the flowers he'd chosen and the picture he'd drawn her, then update her on everything that had happened since they last visited.</p><p>Then they went to Steve's dad's grave. Brandon chose the flowers again, and drew another picture, then went off with Danny and Grace to lay the extra flowers they'd brought on any graves that didn't feel like they had enough. This let Steve have a quiet, private moment to talk to his own absent parent. (The one who hadn't meant to leave, at least not so completely.)</p><p>Mostly, he talked about the kids, giving his dad a far more detailed picture of his grandchildren's lives than he'd ever had of his children's. Steve let himself imagine that his dad would want to know, carefully trying not to think about all the arguments they'd be having if his dad were really here.</p><p>"That's the thing, though." He sighed as he touched his fingertips to his dad's tombstone, the old familiar guilt rising up. "If you were still here, I probably wouldn't be." His chest tightened. "I couldn't give this up for anything. Even you."</p><p>"That's depressing, even for a graveyard." Danny's voice was as quiet as the sound of his footsteps approaching. "I really shouldn't be surprised, though. You've always been a champion brooder, even though you don't get much of a chance to do it these days."</p><p>Steve leaned back, looking up at the man who held his heart. "I thought you were off with the kids."</p><p>Danny's expression was both deeply loving and deeply exasperated. "I always keep an ear out for you, ready to drag you back to dry land just in case your brain starts wandering someplace it shouldn't be." He sat down cross-legged next to Steve in the grass. "Like right now, for example. How have I never heard of this particular sore spot before now?"</p><p>"Because I don't like thinking about it." He leaned sideways a little so he was pressed closer to Danny. "All the best things in my life only happened because of one of the worst things. If Dad hadn't died, I never would have met you. 5-0 never would have happened."</p><p>Danny leaned in closer as well. "Hey, we don't know that. Joe could have guilted you into visiting your dad, a random burst of heroics would have made you rampage through downtown, and I would have arrested you for disturbing the peace. You'd then immediately follow it up by getting us <em>both</em> into trouble somehow, and we'd inevitably suck in Chin and Kono whether they wanted to be there or not."</p><p>Even though his throat was tight, Steve couldn't stop his lips from curving. "Danny Williams, optimist. I never thought I'd live to see the day."</p><p>"Shhh. Someone else might hear you." Danny slid a hand around Steve's back, rubbing soothing circles. "Seriously, though. You can't beat yourself up like that. The whole mess with Wo-Fat started before you were even born."</p><p>"And if my dad had never died, he would have done everything in his power to keep me from getting sucked into it." He leaned his head against Danny's. "And yeah, I wouldn't have gotten tortured by Wo-Fat--"</p><p>"Twice."</p><p>Steve smiled a little . "--twice, or found out that my mother never really loved me." The smile faded after that. "I would have been traveling the world, either with the SEALs or as some kind of civilian contractor, and Catherine and I would still be doing the weird on-off thing we did for so long." He closed his eyes. "I wouldn't have my family, whether it was you and the kids or Mary and Joan or the rest of 5-0. I wouldn't have any idea what real happiness felt like." He swallowed. "I wouldn't go back to that for anything. Even if it meant getting my dad back."</p><p>Danny tightened an arm around Steve. "I think your dad would want you to be happy, even if he went about it the wrong way when he was still alive. I think he'd be happy that you are."</p><p>Steve let out a breath. "You really think we would have met, even if my dad hadn't died?"</p><p>"I really do. And as soon as you stopped being robo-SEAL, I would have been sunk." His voice went thick. "Maybe that way we could have arranged for less torture."</p><p>Steve shook his head without lifting it. "It was such a small price to pay for everything else in my life." He moved just enough to press a kiss against Danny's hair. "I finally made it home."</p><p>It was Danny's turn to swallow. "Hawaii would have still been here, no matter what happened 10 years ago."</p><p>Steve reached for Danny's other hand, threading their fingers together. "You dope," he said softly. "It's not Hawaii that's my home."</p><p>"Ah." Even that small word cracked, and Danny blinked hard as he cleared his throat. He pressed a kiss against Steve's shoulder. "I love you, too."</p><p>He squeezed Danny's hand. "I know you do." He looked back at his dad's grave, imagining him meeting Danny for the thousandth time. "I've probably told you this before, but I really think my dad would have liked you."</p><p>Danny tightened his arm around him again. "Not half so much as he would have loved seeing the man you are now."</p><p>Steve let out a breath, the old twist of guilt easing inside him a little. "The man you helped me become."</p><p>Danny had to blink hard at that. "That's a hell of a compliment."</p><p>Steve smiled a little, watching their children come back to them across the grass. "You deserve it."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Come check out my <a href="https://jennifferwardell.wixsite.com/mybooks">original fiction,</a> my <a href="http://jennifferwardell.blogspot.com">blog,</a> or say hi to me on <a href="http://sanctuaryforalluniverses.tumblr.com">Tumblr</a>!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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